[.・。.・゜✭・.୭ ˚. ᵎ you can read my entire life because i'm oversharing on this silly little page. you know nothing about me, and simulatenously everything at the same time. i think this is oddly comforting, i think it's oddly comforting to read someone else's thoughts, but that's just me. i want to have no filter on here.

[.・。.・゜✭・.୭ i'm also starting this page because i'm very interested in documenting my life in some way, reading back on how things have changed over the years, i love the idea of starting something like that. i've been journaling for a while, but i wanna take it to a personal blog, i love this. i hope in some microsopic way this can be inspirational to you, or whoever happens to read this.

[.・。.・゜✭・.୭ [.・。.・゜✭・.୭ i'm not intending on anyone to see this, but if you do, hello. all you need to know is i'm a 16 year old girl at the time of writing this, and this is my life, and you're reading my life. there are no external links to this page. ୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ. .・。.・゜✭・. ୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ. .・。.・゜✭・.

click this to be taken to ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆ recent pages ↓

[.・。.・゜✭・.୭ these are just my thoughts and i'm living right now, at my keyboard, coding, typing this out. i'll think about this later, it will be a memory.

[.・。.・゜✭・.୭ i should be asleep right now, but i'm not. i took 10mg of melatonin but i'm still awake, its 2:44am. it's been snowing for a month straight legitimately, im so tired of this coldness. i miss summer so badly, i cant wait for everything to come, im in this state of perpetual excitement for myself and my life. also i really want a caesar salad right now its killing me.

[.・。.・゜✭・.୭ recently i've been wanting to go blonde more than ever, (or red) it's like this overbearing force has taken over me, and the bleach teleported into my hand, or i teleported into the salon (i wish). i wanna go blonde so badly it's going to happen. also im getting hair extensions and im really excited about that like omg i'm gonna look so fire. also i've started fake tanning recently and it looks really good on me(i think). theres so many things that have excited me recently, enlightened me, (the idea of getting a belly piercing) i love being a girl and being pretty ˚. ᵎᵎ. .・。.・゜✭・.

[.・。.・゜✭・.୭ i really want to treat this blog as if i imagine no one else will see it, my thoughts and heart on display, theres something so comforting about that, but also so inspirational. i want to dump my entire life on here and whoever stumbles across it just happens to stumble across it. i love the idea of that.

[.・。.・゜✭・.୭ i tend to go in deep perpetual thought about things, i want to carry all of those thoughts here and pour them out on this silly little website, that's art to me. i want it to feel like you're stepping into the mind of another person, me!

[.・。.・゜✭・.୭ ୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ. .・。.・゜✭・.

[.・。.・゜✭・.୭ i usually feel like i have the ability to read people, but maybe im completely wrong. as you can only view people with a perception of who you are plastered onto it, and the idea that you notice things in others because they exist in you. you can only view people as far as youve met yourself. i love giving things deep thought and its a gift and undoubtedly human. however, i tend to overthink. I really don't like that about myself. my mind is constantly thinking about things all of the time and it leads me to feel stressed, perpetually anxious.

[.・。.・゜✭・.୭ i love feeling grounded i love feeling at peace, i love meditation. i love prioritizing my peace, i love lighting candles, and meditating. i think its so important to set designated time to reconnect with yourself, simply just to feel grounded with the energy that surrounds you. sometimes i feel so grateful to be alive, to exist and feel things to the extent that i do and to live as myself. i think its beautiful to be alive and existence is inherently innocent. if you have the chance to establish or create deep connections with anyone around you you should always take that opportunity.

୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ. .・。.・゜✭・.

[.・。.・゜✭・.୭ what you allow into your space infiltrates itself into your mind, you become what you surround yourself with. the human brain is like a sponge, constantly in a state of soaking up information and perceiving surrounding things. you become what you surround yourself with, what you allow around you, and in your space. my favorite word is perception, everyone has a different perception of things in their lives. every human has a way of ultimately perceiving things, i find myself taking great interest in this. everyone views things differently from environmental factors in the way they were raised, and through memories/hardships theyve experienced in their lives, this leads humans to all perceive things differently.

[.・。.・゜✭・.୭ perception is so important. theres a quote thats i always remember, "the perceiver of the art says more than the creator of the art" the way in which the art is perceived says more about the perceiver of the art than the creator of the art. so interesting how art can have one simple meaning yet be perceived differently by millions of people, it could be a song, a painting, poetry. every human has a different perception and sense of relatability within the ideas of their lives.

[.・。.・゜✭・.୭ a sense of relatability, familiarity is created through art from the ways in which we perceive it. artists of songs when asked to explain the meaning behind it, some choose to stay quiet; to keep the perception up to the eyes of the beholder. art means infinitely more when it is personal, a sense of relatability in place. ୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ. .・。.・゜✭・.

[.・。.・゜✭・.୭ i'm writing this because i'm very excited right now, i could be moving into a new house. it would be the nicest house we've ever had. it's so beautiful, it has a sun room, it's a big house, the neighborhood is really nice, and it's by a river. i really hope we get this house. i'm just imagining myself living there.

[.・。.・゜✭・.୭

୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ. .・。.・゜✭・.

[.・。.・゜✭・.୭ to feel so much i think is a gift and something beautiful, even when it feels the exact opposite. i understand that when i hurt, it is a gift. it is a gift to feel this much, it flows all throughout my veins like the blood in my body, and the air in which i breathe. to feel is an innate part of who i am, its deeply engrained within me. sometimes i wish i could go throughout life and not feel anything, but then i understand i wouldn't exist as myself, this is not who i am. i hate that i feel things to the extent that i do, i feel like im being torn and ripped apart, but something about it is so raw, i always try to remind myself of that. i find that when i'm hurting the most, is when i create things, i write poetry, i make things with my soul and what i feel, it turns into something deeply personal and meaningful.

love is supposed to be gentle

love is supposed to be gentle

[.・。.・゜✭・.୭ today was valentines day, and i bought myself a pretty pink rose. it's a pretty baby pink, (so pink so pretttyyy), i'm preserving it in my room on my bedside table. it isn't just a rose to me, it's symbolic, metaphorical. the baby pink rose is myself, my purity and love of myself. i feel so beautiful and feminine, i feel delicate and gentle. i bought some small makeup items i've been wanting recently, i did my makeup and hair so nicely today. i curled the ends of my hair outwards with a roundbrush. my nails looked pretty and long, too. i've been missing having pretty press on nails, i've gotten used to having 1 inch long press-ons and i've missed having them.

[.・。.・゜✭・.୭ i deep cleaned my room, admired my space, and my pretty singular rose. i know that no matter what i feel in my life, no matter what happens, there's always a point where energy flows and i will be brought back to a state of peace. a state of stillness, being at ease. i know this because energy is in constant motion, nothing ever stays the same, not even you. not even me, and i make peace with this tonight. i welcome change for me, and hopefully you welcome it for you, too.

˚. ᵎᵎ. .・。.・゜✭・.

i had an amazing day today, i set off fireworks with my family, i made smores, (also i looked beautiful) makeup was smooth and eating down even after having the wind blowing at my face for 30 minutes straight. i love the feeling of coming back from a day and thinking back on how good it was, i love doing things.

sitting here, eating dinner, coding typing this out right now. slone in my room, i reorganized my wall collage the other day and i like it so much more. i'm very excited for my 17th birthday in 9 days now YAYYY i'm so excited, i'm just gonna go to a bigger city and shop with money but i'm so happy to be 17.

theres been things that i've been dying for recently, i need to tan so bad, but it's like my pale evil genetics wont let me tan at all . i've been fake tanning for a while and it's genuinely just became a part of me and how i look, buti ran out so i'm looking to purchase more.

i've been craving the experience of a spa recently, i've never went to one, but i just feel it calllliingg me i need a scalp massage or something, or a treatment it sounds so amazing. i love that atmosphere. and i wanna treat myself

also..?!?!?! i wanna go BLONDE yes blonde.like salon blonde.. im a brunette, i've had money pieces , blonde highlights, balayage hair extensions that fade to blonde (i've basically been blonde already) but i need to go full force at 17.

i wanna go blonde because its in my family.. i just didnt get the genes unfortunately,, and also its so easy to dye your hair diffderent colors once it's blonde, like boom red, or boom PINK (i am convincing myself of this)

there are quiet, minimal beauties that reveal themselves, in the smallest, most unspoken ways.

i had a friendship breakup with a friend i’ve known since i was five. tonight i did a facemask, watched one of my favorite movies, from when i was twelve. i lit a pine candle, i drank some ice coldwater. it felt like a kind of ritual of myself, as if I was putting pieces back in their designated places, where i felt they always belonged. later that night, i looked inside of my favorite pine candle. a dead fly laid there, sunken in wax, still. it had flown too close to the flame, drawn to its warmth, then fell silently without any sound, it surrendered itself to something unknown, and of its ignorance, it drowned itself in softness , and the warmth of the soy wax, it sunk to the bottom. i wondered what it felt like to die to your own ignorance, a warmth it trusted, it hit the flame and approached death, it sunk beneath the warmth of the wax, its limbs stuck in a forever position, like a statue of silent ignorance . i wondered what it felt sinking beneath the quiet , burning warmth of the wax , to approach death of something out of your awareness and reach. not fear. not pain. just ignorance, a quiet trust in something it didn’t completely understand. it led to its quiet demise, and something about that stayed within me. the fragility of itself, and of its existence, the timing . the way it died ignorantly inside something i created to comfort me. it made me think of how easily beauty holds grief, how easily warmth can become ruin . it surrendered itself to its silent ignorance, while i felt as if i was flourishing .

date: 07/14/2025,

mood: "open, unsealed"

𓊆ྀི . im transmitting tonight 𓊇ྀི

ive never been at such a point in my life when ive been so hyper aware of everything, ive felt that feeling make itself more close to me in this past year,

it's felt like opening up my body and familiarizing myself with everything inside, stepping inside of my mind and laying inside of it, but its also felt like endless questioning of the world around me, and why i am the way i am, why im here, everything affects me a lot emotionally, i feel like i soak up everyones energy and feelings and incorporate it into my own body as my own, and it makes me feel nauseous, and anxious and sick, when people are angry around me or uncomfortable i feel it and become so anxious, and strangely self conscious of myself.

im seventeen. ive been forgetting a lot recently, and ive been looking skinnier, i think its because ive felt hungrier than usual, i go so in depth about thinking, that i worry even bare passing thoughts hold greater meaning in my mind, or that they will linger, because of the way the mind works, i feel like a very anxious person. i remember in march maybe? or may? i was in an airbnb in a room with very high ceilings, and every night i would go to bed listening to tim hecker's album radio amor, and imagine i was cleared from all consciousness, no passing thought, no reservation in my mind of myself and who i am, i imagined a gray plane, with me being nothing, or a black void. i've craved this feeling of wanting to be cleared of all consciousness, not in a way of death, but the concept of nothing. to feel nothing, see nothing, be nothing. it would feel like being reborn. this entire year, i've practically lived listening to only ambient genres. i think this craving comes from the increasing need for fixing my emotional dysregulation and anxiousness. this year ive pointed out parts of myself inside of my body, gave them names, gave thoughts reasoning, things i've wrote both tore me apart and sewed me back together, with flowers and greenery sticking through the cracks, ive been learning to write and feel things without fixing it for others to see, i want to journal or write from my mind and put it out exactly how it is, without thinking of how others perceive it

date: 08/14/2025,

mood: "need for ease"

𓊆ྀི .sanctuary of ??? 𓊇ྀི

if i could describe myself ultimately in one word it would be aware

i notice metaphors in all, i see meaning laced and entwined in things that most wouldnt notice or understand, i notice patterns and behavior in people, i understand why people act in the ways in which they do. i know that people are different from me, i've lost friendships and people i once loved because i feel as if i dont relate with how they act, the things they indulge in, i dont believe i function in the same ways they do. i feel like we dont operate from the same 'wavelength' or state of being. i feel separated from other people because of this hyperawareness. i have this feeling that theres something unbeknownst to me that i cant describe, that theres more than what "is" theres more to life, more than stereotypes and things that go without questioning. i can't shake this feeling that theres something more than what is considered to be normal. i question everything, i notice parts of my personality that i inherited from my parents and family, i lay at night wondering why i am here, and run myself in circles with questions that hold no 'clear answer'. i feel likke most people live within a state of mind that doesn't question everything around them, but i feel as if i operate differently, i see below the dirt and i connect patterns and behavior. sometimes i feel as if theres no one that thinks like i do, or that no one will accurately perceive me in the ways in which i see myself, it will always be different or skewed. whether its because of something i said or a facial expression, or maybe because of their own biological traits that they inherited, they will never see me for who i see myself to be.

date: 08/22/2025,

mood: "ambient playlist"

𓊆ྀི .digi digi digi 𓊇ྀི

theres so many things that ive felt energetically aligned with recently, like i know i want these things, and i will get them because i want it. i want a camera so much, i have one i've been wanting, but i want like an old digital camera, i love taking pictures of things i love photogrraphy so much and the look and energy of a digital camera, its one of my favorite things.i take pictures of myself already and i view it like an art, taking pictures of myself and putting music with it, its like preserving a time and look of my physical form, and each photo holds an energy. i just love taking pictures so much, i know that i need a digital camera. i wish i had a friend that i could take digicam pictures with, like we could take pictures of each other, and take pictures of things we find cool or things that hold meaning to us. i would show pictures of myself that i took but i have this urge to stay mysterious on my website, its like a strange world where i pour everything about myself out but no one knows who i am, you know... however i am asbolutely going to make a page to showcase pictures and videos ive took with my camera, i see so many videos online of people that take videos with their digicams and add much behind it, and i feel like thats so beautiful and such an art.

date: 09/27/2025,

mood: "repetition"

𓊆ྀི i close my eyes and seize it 𓊇ྀི

i think the most consciously aware people are those who have suffered the most

when i think of people who abuse substances or those that familiarized internal and external struggle like the back of their hand, like a homeless person, i think theyre very aware of their surroundings and how others behave and think. it takes being thrown out of the loop of what people consider to be important and normal to realize that a lot of things are trivial and unimportant, but are made to seem so superior in daily societal standards.

a lot of people walk around this earth with false senses of importance and spread hatred and false beliefs onto others until the day they die, i dont consider those people to carry conscious awareness, i think they live in an echo chamber of what they consider to be important, like materalistic things, because it makes them feel better than others. i believe that theyre internally damaged people.

theres a lot of fucked up suffering in the world but theres also small meaningful things that create ornate beauty and offer reasons of living, the world is both devastating and beautiful, just like any piece of art i think i like existing as myself because i see other things that people wouldnt bat an eye at, i make connections and see poetic potential in things other people overlook

we're here because of love, i think love is the only important thing in this world, or at least the most important thing. love ties people together, and also breaks those same people down at the seams, it rips and tears, it forms cracks but also sews people back together. you look around, theres buildings everywhere. buildings built by the hands of those who decided to work maybe not because they wanted to but because they decided that they have no other choice than to provide for the family that they love. love is everywhere. i think the most profound things are inexpressible, theres a lot of things that go without questions and answers